In today’s times, a healthy household is the exception rather than the rule. Thankfully, households can be the exception when God is in the relationship of the marriage from the start. We need to be honest with ourselves that divorce has grown to epidemic proportions. When the morals of society are upset, the family is the first to suffer. The home is the basic unit of our society and a nation is only as strong as their homes. The breaking up of a home does not often make headlines but it eats like termites at the structure of the nation. Discuss your values with each other before marriage. Always remember passivity is an enemy. Understand the meaning of the covenant and commitment you are making the day of your wedding. It is in Gods eyes, a lifetime commitment. A commitment to each other that when the going gets tough – which it will – divorce will never be an option, the door to that should not even be opened to the enemy. In any conversation or thought process. God wants more people with whom He can enjoy a relationship with. He created the institution of marriage so that a man and a woman together might rear boys and girls who will grow up in a healthy household of faith and be faithful to Him. That is still God’s desire. The bond of marriage creates opportunities for mutual spiritual growth unlike any other relationship. God established marriage as a shared journey of faith. Finding a worthy wife or husband, is no easy task these days. I have spoken to a few young people and all of them expressed how difficult it is to find a spouse with all the qualities and values they would like to have in a spouse and relationship. We live in a world of broken homes, sexual perversity, ungodliness, no values and virtues. The most difficult question singles must ask is: “Who is the Lords choice for me?”. When we look at Abrahams story, we can lift from the narrative guidelines for people seeking a spouse today.
1. Ask, Hear and Head counsel of Godly parents. Not all parents are Godly and not all Godly parents are right. Nevertheless, your chances of choosing the right partner increases when your parents walk with the Lord and seek His counsel. Pay attention to that sixth sense parents often have about people. Your parents will also maintain a healthy objectivity that will help balance your “in love” subjectivity. You are wise to hear their counselling and take it seriously. When numerous people warn you and you are still sometimes stubborn and follow your own head, well then you are just setting yourself up for failure and serious consequences down the line.
I have rarely seen parents and families get it wrong when they are Godly people who speak with pure motives.
2. Soul Ties.
Cut off all soul ties with previous and current relationships. God created sexual relationships to form a spiritual and intimate bond within the marriage. When we have a sexual relationship before or outside the marriage it creates soul ties which can give us a warped sense of a relationship. It creates guilt towards the other person and between you and God. We tend to then hold onto an unhealthy relationship out of guilt, manipulation and the stronghold playing havoc with your body and mind. It is important to ask the question: “Why am I with this person?”.
Soul ties can become one-sided and toxic. The feeling of someone completes you or you are somehow broken without them, are actual signs of attachments. People look for their partner to complete them and they get lost in their role as a partner within the relationship and lose their individuality. That can influence the negative attachment. You should never stay in an unhealthy situation simply because you have a soul tie with someone. Many relationships and situations in life are not meant to last forever and have a natural expiration date. God might have someone else in mind for you for marriage, we just tend to sometimes jump into a relationship out of loneliness, looking for companionship, filling a need, as security or even out of fear of not meeting “the one” God has prepared for us. We become impatient. So, when you are in a relationship ask yourself why are you with them? Is it out of a soul tie, God ordained, loneliness, fear, or a need? Losing a connection with someone isn’t easy and whether you’re looking at it through the lens of breaking a soul tie, making sure you connect with an appropriate professional who can help you through that is important. You can get help from loved ones or a pastor or counsellor. Remember you have lots of options in this lifetime. If you feel you need to break up a relationship and the soul ties with it because you stepped over the line, don’t feel that you will never find another. The lord will help you find the relationship is more aligned and appropriate for your life. Sometimes you must let go so that there is room for the new.
3. Pray About It.
Saturate the entire process in prayer. Start praying for the person God has chosen for you. To prepare him/her for you as God is preparing him/her for you too. That when you meet you are both whole, knowing who you are in Christ. A relationship is already hard without your baggage and getting into a relationship with baggage is worse without God as the centre, which is just looking for trouble with open eyes. Gen 24:15 – 21.
We cannot change people. Your guideline is to either accept someone as they are now or you don’t and let go.
4. Qualities that reveal true character.
By “true character”, I mean are inner qualities that set someone apart from ordinary people. For instance, he’s not only polite to people he admires or hopes to impress but is also considerate to a waiter he will never see again. She is not only kind to her friends, but also generous to people who cannot repay her kindness. He or she has a servant’s heart, and I don’t mean weak to be trampled on but to serve others even when there is no reward.
Also, look at the family’s character. When you marry the person, you marry the family. Even if you don’t live near them or visit them often your mate carries his or her family within. And don’t ever think, “It’s a messed-up family, but my potential partner is the exception”. I’m not advising that you call it off straight away. I merely suggest that if it’s a flashing caution sign, pay attention.
5. Proceed cautiously, think deeply.
The servant learnt all about Rebekah by watching her closely.
He applied keen insight to observe details because it is not easy for people to fake subtitles. When you are seeking the Lords choice you must be sensitive to details and then have the courage to question them. Trust your instincts and don’t dismiss unsettling clues. Take time to observe the other person under pressure. How does he or she handle conflict? What kind of relationship does the individual have with family and friends?
The servant also observed Rebekah’s family closely, especially on a spiritual level.
6. Determine mutual interests in spiritual things.
Today, the only guarantee for a successful marriage is with God in it. The Lord will give you everything you need to thrive as a couple if you turn to Him and give Him control of your life. Marriage is not always easy, it has its fair share of trials and tribulations but with God in the centre of it, it is a blessing in your life no matter what.
To start a love story that will last a lifetime hear the counsel of your Godly parents (Godly family and friends). Saturate your search with prayer, focus on real character, take time to observe carefully and seek mutual interest in spiritual matters. God will then be the centre of your relationship and marriage going forward.
Genesis 24 – Rebekah and Isaac’s Journey.
With Love
Liesel
Reference:
Abraham by Charles R Swindoll
Bible
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