As my walk as a woman, businesswoman, mother and wife I had to overcome some obstacles, trials and tribulations. I had to make peace that this is part of the journey, God’ needs to prepare you for what He has in store for your life. He needs to build our character to give Him honor in our accomplishments. The Obstacle I had to face and sometimes still do was,
Self-worth, Fear and Doubt, Anxiety / Depression,Materialism, greed and Pride, forgiveness.
Today I am sharing the topic self-worth with you.
Find your worth in how God sees you not man.
Don’t let people determine your identity and self worth It is great when people motivate us, compliments us etc. God uses people to help us move towards our destiny. BUT, You can’t become so dependent on people that you get your worth and value on how they treat you. It is easy to become addicted to compliments, encouragement and them cheering you on. Now you rely on the to keep feeling good about yourself to always be there to validate you and if you don’t get it from them you feel discourages, you feel neglected and then you start working overtime to win their approval. The problem is you are trying to get from people what only God can give.
Your worth and value does not come from another person it comes from God. If you rely on people you will be disappointed. People will let you down, people will get busy and not be there for you when you need them, and sometimes people will event turn on you.
Peter and Jesus was close friends but when Jesus needed him the most when he was crucified, Peter denied that He even knew Christ. Turned on Him he even claimed that he didn’t know Jesus. Jesus could have been upset, He could have asked God why his friend is not there for Him, then He would have missed His destiny.
Quit relying on people. What they do or don’t do does not determine your worth. What they give you or don’t give you cannot stop your purpose God created you He has crowned you with His favor. Quit waiting for people to approve you and start approving yourself. People may not encourage you but you can encourage yourself. People may not make you feel special but you can make yourself feel special. I am the child of the most high God, I am crowned with favor, I am one of a kind, I am a masterpiece, You will have better relationships if you start validating yourself. If you are always depending on somebody else you will become needy, a burden waiting for other people to fix you. Your family and friends have enough problems of their own they have enough issues they are dealing with to not come home and work on you for 3 hours, it is not only hurting you it is unfair to the people in your life. They are not responsible for you happiness, they are not responsible to keep you cheered up, don’t put that extra pressure on them.
Learn to receive your value and worth from God. When you don’t get it from people you feel devalued but when you get it from God nobody can take it away. It is then dependent on the fact that you are a child of God and not on what they say or do or think of you. You know God has already approved you that is where you are getting your value. You can complain and say that you are not getting enough compliments from your husband, you didn’t have a great childhood, you didn’t get the promotion and recognition from your boss well then you didn’t need it. It cannot override God’s plan for your life. Shake of the negativity, don’t believe the lies that you are not good enough, not talented enough not pretty enough they do not determine your value. They can’t lesson your self-worth, the only power that people have over you is the power that you give them.
Jesus has all kinds of people coming up against him trying to discredit him trying to make him feel inferior. They tried to get him to give up. He could have taken the bate, but Jesus knew this principal, he knew his value did not come from people but from His Heavenly Father. John chapter 5 He says to them you’re approval means nothing to me. He was saying I don’t need your approval to feel good about myself. I don’t have to have your encouragement and support to keep me going forward. Paul says in Philippians I am self-sufficient in Christ sufficiency. Not in our own strength but when we know the creator of the universe, who lives in us, has equipped us, empowered us, anointed us, we can hold our heads up high and know we don’t need people’s approval.
God’s approval is all that counts. It is good when people do encourage us but don’t become dependent on that. You can feel good about yourself knowing that God handpicked you, He created you, you don’t need someone else’s praise. You have the applause and encouragement from the one who matters most who created the universe. I would rather have His applause than someone else’s applause.
We think that if we get people to like us because they know people maybe they can open doors for you. Scripture says Promotion doesn’t come from people it comes from the Lord. So don’t try to win someone’s approval over they can’t do anything for you or against you if God is for you. God knows where all the opportunities are, He can make doors open and make opportunities for you without you convincing someone to like you. You don’t have to play up to people try to win their favor, if they don’t want to be your friend it is their loss not yours.
Do yourself a favor and keep moving forward. They are not a part of your destiny. God has divine connections, people He has already lined up they are already in your future. Sometimes when people don’t give us what we need is because they don’t have it. Nobody gave it to them, they were taught it when they grew up. if they weren’t raised to show affections and talk about their feelings the problem is they don’t have it to give, if you try and get it from them you are going to get frustrated, why don’t you forgive them and Go to God for what they can’t give you.
The key is God has it all, learn this principal not to rely on people, but go to Him for your encouragement, for your approval for your self-worth, then you will stop living stressed out because someone is not giving you what you want. When nobody is complimenting you do it yourself, speak life into your life.
Say what God says about you. I am strong, I am healthy, I am prosperous, I am one of a kind, I am highly favored. You have to build yourself up. Encourage yourself, compliment yourself. You cannot rely on your spouse, your parents, your friends. No person can meet any of you needs. Only God can. If you are just looking upon people eventually you will become resentful bitter, start holding that against them. It will sour the relationship. And the truth is it is not their fault. Don’t be dependent on somebody else. If people could give you what you need they would control your destiny.
God did not design you to achieve your destiny if it was dependent on all these other people. God put everything you need within your power. The right attitude is, nobody owes me anything. I don’t need anybody’s support, applause, I am self-sufficient. Change your perspective, people (parents) do what they can, they can’t give you what they don’t have. Let the people in your life off the hook, maybe they did the best they can with what they had in the situation they were in. you didn’t walk in their shoes, maybe nobody gave them what they needed to give to you. Forgive them for the things you think they didn’t do right don’t let your relationships be in array because you can’t get past your issues.
Bottom line nobody owes you anything. For years I had issues with my parents and for what they didn’t give me emotionally and physically. I blamed them for my weaknesses which was what consumed my whole existence. I had to realize that they gave me what they could at the time. They were under the impression they did good so they went on with life while I held on too rejection, worthlessness, self-doubt but I had to realize I need to change my perspective on them and the situation. I had to make the decision to let them off the hook to let go of the past. If I look back at it now I realize I have lost so much quality time with them but I am glad to say that in my dad’s final times we had time to rebuild on our relationship before he died and I have a good relationship with my mom. I realized that certain things are not going to change because they just didn’t and don’t have it to give, it is their weakness so I need to work on the strengths and enjoy the time we have left. Because I was looking for validation from people and especially my husband I was walking for years with self-worthlessness, rejection, looking for approval from him, looking for applause and validation from him and after I heard this message from Joel Osteen I realized but I can’t get from him what he can’t give, I was living in frustration and disappointment by my own doing. He was taught to be tough and strong, he has never been someone to be touchy feely and I kept on expecting it from him. What a waste of time and energy. I could have had an fulfilling relationship with him from long time ago if I understood the principal. He can’t give me what he doesn’t have.
Yes we can all change on our bad habits and work on our weaknesses but you can’t force him to be the person you want him to be if it is his weakness. Build on your husband’s strengths and fill in the gap for his weaknesses that is why God put you in his life. You fill on each weakness and you build on each other’s strengths. Forgive and let go, give him space to be who he is just as he gives you space to be who you are.
Ladies get out of the way of your husbands destiny and purpose, you don’t know what God has planned for you husband and the way He is working to get your husband to where he needs to be. Get out of God’s way. You cannot mold your husband to what you think he should be. Your job is to pray for you husband that is it. Work on you own destiny and purpose. Become the proverbs 31 woman you are supposed to be. God keeps records he has seen everything that has happened in your life.
People can’t pay you back, they can’t make it right but God can and will. You just need to change your attitude and perspective. God says he will use everything for your good. He will pay you back double for the unfair things that have happened. Quit looking up to people to make it up to you. Quit looking for the other people to apologies to admit they were wrong to give you what they don’t have. If you go to God He will give you better. He will make the rest of your life more rewarding more fulfilling. Quit depending on people and try making people to perform the way you want they can not fix you or your situation not only will that make their lives a bit better but your relationship will improve. No matter how good a person is they can’t give you everything that you need. I realized my husband can’t meet all of my needs just as I can’t meet all off my husband and children’s needs, I can do my best. I am human, I have flaws and shortcomings too. If I just keep looking to him I will keep on being disappointed and visa versa. I need to look to God. I will then never be disappointed. Build on each other’s strengths don’t hammer on their weaknesses. They just don’t have it to give.
The key to a good relationship is to recognize the other person’s strength and weaknesses then give them room to be who they are. Don’t try to squeeze them into your mold. Accept what they can’t give, if you rely on the other person to meet all your needs and become everything in their lives you are going to be disappointed. You have to let them off the hook.
Sometimes we go through seasons when we are not getting what we expect from people. We are isolated from people but it is because God wants to teach you to rely and depend on Him not on other people. When you become famous or well-known and you are still relying on peoples feedback, encouragement or cheering on then you are going to be disappointed and become demotivated to do what God has called upon you to do. You will not feel good about yourself. You need to understand you cannot please everyone, there will always be critics but if your worth is in God then what they say and don’t say will not have any effect on your destiny. God was teaching me not to rely on what other people think. The higher God takes you the more disapproval and critics, more opposition and if you base your success on how people react you will never become everything God created you to be.
You need to realize as long as you are doing your best and honoring God, you don’t need people’s approval because you have Gods approval. Here is the thing you are never going to keep everybody happy. Quit trying to please people. When you die you are not going to stand in front of people to give account you are going to stand in front of God. He is going to ask did you fulfill my purpose for your life, did you run your race, did you finish your assignment. The less you depend on people the stronger your spiritual muscles will become and the higher you are going to go.
The bottom line is,- Rely on God for your approval, your self-worth, your needs, your encouragement not people.
Enjoy your journey to self discovery.